Vladimir Putin “Healthcare reform: Everyone over 40 years of age, to be shot!”

Barack OBAMA “People are angry, they are frustrated. Maybe we should just let them all die?”

Posts tagged with the keyword: ‘scandal’

Jerry Brown remembers his buddy Jim Jones!

Jerry Brown remembers his buddy Jim Jones!

Jerry Brown with his buddy Jim

Al Gore Admits: “I was Wrong about Climate Change”

Al Gore Admits: “I was Wrong about Climate Change”

Yesterday, in a stunning reversal, Al Gore broke down in tears in front of a throng of reporters at Chicago’s World Green Day conference, admitting publicly for the first time that the theory of Global Warming, which the former Vice-President has touted for the better part of three decades, has been nothing more than “hot air”.

Miss California Pageant Fake Boob-bombshell!

Miss California Pageant Fake Boob-bombshell!

    Friday morning a Miss California Pageant official confirmed previous reports that controversial contestant Carrie Prejean received free breast implants, organized and paid for by the pageant, weeks before the Miss USA competition.  In an interview this morning  Keith Lewis, the co-Director of theMiss USA, admitted to helping Prejean get the boob job. “We […]

Hannity Set to Play Lane’s Gay Brother in Birdcage 2

Hannity Set to Play Lane’s Gay Brother in Birdcage 2

It was just announced that Sean Hannity will be reprising Nathan lane’s role as Albert Goldman in Birdcage 2. After successfully fooling the Keeleys in Birdcage one, Hannity is said to play an Albert Goldman intent on revealing his gaiety to the Keeley family and force them to accept him. The sequel is structured around Hannity’s character trying to seduce the Keeley patriarch in an effort to prove “Gay is OK.” As Hannity has gotten more and more made up as he took over his own show the resemblance to gay icon Lane was impossible to ignore. Post Obama election, as hannity careened closer and closer to irrelevance, he needed more motivation to get people to watch his tired show. Gay is okay became the order of the day.

Said fox News head Roger Ailes, “I’m not sure what happened but the resemblance became impossible to ignore the attention Sean received from the gay community became impossible to ignore. He has a huge gay fan base and seems to be cultivating it, each night his lipstick application seems to be higher. I look forward to partnering with Paramount studios in cultivating Sean’s new image. I’ve got to be honest, when I watched his “expose” on Ruth Bader Ginsburg the other night, I wanted to kiss my screen – really… full on the mouth. I would have given Sean full tongue. Sean is set to be a superstar and gay icon…. look out Ian McKellen.”

Lindsay Lohan Disappears After Intervention

Lindsay Lohan Disappears After Intervention

In a bizarre development, all trace of Lindsay Lohan has disappeared from the planet. The precocious child star of the Parent Trap turned adult train wreck has vanished without a trace. Recently distraught over her breakup from lesbian DJ Samantha Ronson, the actress seemed to be on a downward spiral into irrelevance. In an emergency intervention, father Michael Lohan sent a time traveler back to the set of “The Parent Trap” to present young Lindsay with photographic evidence of her future in an effort to convince her to take a different path.

But it appears that tactic has backfired. When the adorable child star was shown a photo of ex-girlfriend Samantha Ronson, the little girl was repulsed. “What is that? A girl or a guy? Either way, I think that’s the ugliest person I’ve ever seen.” When told that her future self was in love with the DJ, young Lohan started laughing, unbelieving, “No, no way I become that stupid. There aren’t enough drugs in the world to make me do that. You’re a silly man. time travel isn’t possible anyway.” The laughter stopped when the messenger revealed disturbing photos of Lohan’s future self after a three day drug binge, stating, “No, there are enough drugs in the world and you’ve taken them all, Lindsey.” When he showed the young Lohan graphic photos of future Lohan and Ronson making out in a club, the innocent little 12 year old started crying uncontrollably.

In a misguided attempt at tough love, the time traveler then told her that unless she changed her ways she would spend at least a year feasting on Ronson’s love box, the poor little girl screamed an unholy scream and died from fright, her angelic young face frozen in abject terror. Future Lohan was notified of the developments then spent the rest of her cash on a boatload of cocaine, snorted all of it, and tried to hit the party circuit. After being denied entrance to at least twenty parties, two of them thrown by Ronson, she retreated to her home and was forced to watch helplessly as photos of her became progressively transparent, proving Back to the Future’s time travel theory correct, then disappeared completely.

Our only memories of Lohan, consist of videos like this, taken before her disappearance, her inexplicably misguided devotion to a hag like Ronson a warning to all child stars to “Say No to Drugs”

Paris Hilton Unleashes “Jizz”

Paris Hilton Unleashes “Jizz”

I truly hope ‘Jizz’ does for you, what it’s already clearly done for me” stated an exhausted, yet, very proud Miss Hilton.

Larry King Won’t Press “Button” On Sequel

Larry King Won’t Press “Button” On Sequel

“Larry came in for a makeup test and after eight hours of fruitlessly trying to make Larry look younger, the makeup artist broke down, and left the studio mortified.

Sarah Palin: “I never sucked as a hooker…”

Sarah Palin: “I never sucked as a hooker…”

Palin was a great whore.