A.I.G.  ”Grease” their machinery.

Forced to create a new corporate identity, AIG called in international corporate branding specialist and former lawyer, Richard Grease Esq. They expected great things and that’s exactly what Grease delivered… according to Grease.

The marathon 12 hour meeting reportedly started with high hopes that highly-touted branding specialist would deliver the goods. “Look, you guys like acronyms, what did AIG stand for anyway? America is great?  America is Good? America is God? Well, who cares, we all know Joe Public ain’t on board with that anymore. It worked for a while, Christ, it worked so well, that you convinced people to buy worthless crap at inflated prices from you.” Grease then went into a four hour powerpoint presentation presenting alternatives. “How about IHOF? The International House of Finance. This is what I call favorable corporate rebranding. You can even serve pancakes. Get a toxic mortgage and a rooty tooty fresh and fruity.” This suggestion was apparently met with blank stares.

“Okay, you don’t like that one? How about RIP?… NO? How about LOL?… No, how about we combine them? Get it? You used to be RIP, now thanks to the bailout, we’re LOL…” At this point in the presentation, executives started to leave.

“Wait wait, DOA? Get it?” More blank stares. “I’ve got it, IOU, or better yet IOE, because you owe everyone, Get it? How about CIA? FBI? PETA? You can get some naked chick in your ad campaigns, “Next time the tide goes out, you won’t have your bathers on either!!!” Put Khloe Kardashian’s photo there… Boom!”
When the AIG executives tried to get Grease to leave before lunch was served he refused, stating AIUI it’s lunch so BTW, I’d like a BLT, PDQ. Security was called and Grease was hauled out and turned over to another famous acronym, the NYPD.

The remaining executives decided on AIU Holdings as the new corporate identity. All in all, the fiasco cost the company (and ultimately taxpayers) close to $150,000 dollars, which was delivered to Grease COD.

At the time of press Grease had refused to hand any of it back.

Zoltar, and his ambushing crew,  were set upon in a frenzied, violent, vicious and cowardly attack which has left his cameraman and sound operator fighting for their lives. Zoltar has fared much worse and endured a marathon 28-hour operation to repair a grocery-list of sickening injuries, which doctors say, include: ”a collapsed lung, ruptured spleen, a punctured left ear-drum, two broken arms, a broken knee-cap, three cracked vertebrae, eight broken ribs, a fractured collar-bone, a shattered hip, a crushed ankle, deep lacerations to his hands, neck, calve and thigh muscles; a hair-line fracture to the skull, dozens of hen-pecked wounds to the ears, forehead, chin, cheeks, eyes and throat – and his nose – that had to be completely sewn back on.”

Zoltar Zays struck fame when he exposed to the world the secret to Donald Trumps ‘fold-over’ hairline. He was given his own show on the KKL Network and made a fortune out of his harmless “surprise makeover raids”. The show was planning to air the “El Pollo Locco make-over episode” in two weeks, but now local police, FBI and the CIA are gearing-up for a nation-wide manhunt for the desperate gang of thieves that have inflicted this cowardly unprovoked attack.

A spokesman for the  KKL Network issued this statement: “Zoltar is a one-of-a-kind talent, he will be back better than ever. I hope the cowards that did this are brought to justice, they have no sense of fun; we are all praying that Zoltar makes a speedy recovery.”