President Obama "sparking up a J"

NEW YORK (CNNMoney.com) — President-elect Barack Obama was set Monday to begin the push for sweeping legislation to legalize the personal and private use of marijuana aimed at reviving an economy mired in recession.

Obama is meeting with top legislators from both parties including House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, D-Calif., and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, D-Nev., as well as Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, R-Ky., and House Minority Leader John Boehner, R-Ohio.

Obama is also planning to deliver a major “Wake’n'bake” speech on marijuana on Thursday, a senior Democratic official told CNN.

The president-elect will propose that marijuana sit alongside alcohol as the ‘”go-to drug” for the next generation and be immediately available to anyone, at any age, who wants to “spark-it-on-up.” The move is aimed to generate massive amounts of revenue for the new administration from taxing the “demon weed.” He has not publicly put a price tag on his overall stimulus plan, though his advisers have said they expect it to bring in between $675 billion and $775 billion, annually from legalization.  According to an Obama spokesman several more drugs are under serious consideration for being legalized.

NEW YORK’S ECONOMY MAY GET SHOT IN THE ARM: Obama may be on the verge of offering Heroin to individuals in New York. The drug would work essentially act as a payroll  credit, meaning the “smack” could be used by companies as a line of credit normally needed for payrole tax.

New York State's stimulus package

The “Heroin credit” is likely to be offered only to those below a certain income level, but the Obama team hasn’t specified where the cut-off point would be. Only to say:  “The more children you have, the more likelier a candidate you make.” The credit also would be refundable, meaning that even users without any  liability — typically very low-income workers — would receive more for family and friends.

Bush answers reporters

President Bush today welcomed in the new year by addressing a packed Whitehouse press corp. He stated that although 2008 ended on a down note, 2009 would see the economy, the war in Iraq and his own personal approval rating all make dramatic upward turns.  Asked how he reasoned this Bush went on to elaborate:  ”Just before Christmas, I met with about 20 young preschoolers, who have been around as long as I’ve been in office, heard the insults and the attacks on my character over the years, but they had hope in their mouths, and cheer in their eyes; their ears were singing loudly, their little hearts, beating with pride, because I, their President, was addressing them. “The President went on to say “see, these children’s is our future, we need them to stay positive, and not be hobbled by all this negativity. They are the ones that will be our future leaders, and I will be glad to lead them.

When reporters asked in follow-up, when and how he would be leading this new generation the president remarked “Why as their Commander and Chief, of course.” When told that he only has 18 days left to serve in office, President Bush  look confused and turned to his advisers, many of whom beat a hasty exit. Presdient Bush turned back to the stunned assembly and meekly stated “If the country wants a new president then they will have to vote them in, and whomever it is, will need to get more votes than I, see, that’s how a democracy functions… The uh, winner takes all!”

When told by reporters that this had already taken place and Barack Obama was our new president, and that he had already received him at the Whitehouse last month the President said: “Oh, you mean that ‘black guy”, I thought he was a new butler”. 

Another reporter fired away: “Isn’t it true, Mr. President that you greeted those children dressed as Santa? And that the disguise would have made it virtualy impossible for you to be identify at all?” A nervous Bush countered with: “Santa Clause is an American too!”

President Bush meets his new butler

At that point, President Bush was  hurried off stage by his press secretary  Dana Perino, who rumor has it, has tried to quit the position several times even though there are only 18 days left.  To end proceedings, several reporters removed their shoes and threw them at the empty podium, an act that has become a tradition at whitehouse  press conferences in recent weeks.