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S.A.C.M. BANK WINS 23 BILLION BAILOUT FROM FED

Posted by on Dec 29th, 2008 and filed under Breaking news. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

S.A.C.M.'s Luxury New Yacht

S.A.C.M.'s Luxury New Yacht

South America Commercial Mutual received 23 Billion from the Government’s Tarp bailout fund. CEO Ricardo del Gressio spoke today from their brand new  corporate headquarters in the Cayman Islands,  then held a press conference on the back of his luxury cruiser before they headed out to a private island for a New Years Eve bash. ” S.A.C.M. cannot afford to go under” Del Gressio told a assembled throng of tanned reporters. I cannot afford it, my family cannot afford it, and the wonderful, daring, entrepreneurial, spirited investors who poured their hard-earned dollars in [when we were trading at a measley 5 cents a share in 2000 and are now at 25 dollars]cannot afford it.”  “This isn’t about making the rich richer!, it’s simply about making the extremely wealthy, comfortable”. He exclaimed. When asked if he had spoken with Fed chairman Ben Bernanke personally, Del Gessio vehemently denied  the charge. “Ben flew in last night! He is getting a massage at present and will catch a separate launch out for the island bash tonight, so no, I haven’t spoken to him – woken him – or communicated to him… yet! But, I did personally send my masseuse down his suite to undo those  ‘first-class mid-air knots’,  if you know what I mean?”  he winked at reporters. When asked if he thought Bernanke was just another Greenspan Clone, Del Gressio retorted with; “Calling Ben a ‘Greenspan clone’ is ridiculous. I think he’s more like a ‘facsimile’.

Richard Del Gressio

Richard Del Gressio back in the green.

They’ll only ever be one Greenspan, but hopefully they’ll be many more Bernake’s. After praising the ‘wisdom’ and ‘genuis’ of Presdient Bush. Del Gessio ended the press conference with a ceremonial popping of the champagne cork and then an over-the-top, and undoubtedly costly and, some on-lookers say, extremely hard-to-see and pointless, day-time fireworks display, which reportedly cost 5.3 million to organize at the last minute.


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1 Response for “S.A.C.M. BANK WINS 23 BILLION BAILOUT FROM FED”

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