Barack Obama issued an apology today for his insensitive remarks re: the special olympics on Thursday’s Tonight Show. “My behavior on Jay Leno’s show was ‘completely retarded.’ My insensitivity was completely out of line. It was like I was a Down’s Syndrome kid trying to order a pizza. I mean, imagine that. Not to mention what it would be like when he tried to eat it. Complete disaster. It was like I was a Down’s syndrome kid with pizza all over his face. That’s what I felt like after the interview. Like I’d been babbling with that mongoloid voice they use. Completely incoherent.” When confronted that his apology might not fly with the Down’s Syndrome community, Obama replied, “Okay, how about this, I was like a kid with cerebral palsy trying to deliver a tray full of champagne. Two steps and it was all over the floor.” When White House Press secretary Robert Gibbs tried to get him to rephrase his retraction, Obama got heated, “Look, just tell them I was like a paraplegic trying to do jumping jacks. That’s how ungraceful I was. What more do you want from me? To get down on my knees and beg”  

When asked about the challenge by Special Olympics athlete Kolan McConiughey (who has an average bowling score of 266) to a one on one bowling match, Obama replied. “Sure, bring Helen Keller in!!!! I’ll get the White House bowling alley shrink wrapped! Actually, if I was on my knees, he might actually stand a chance of winning”.

California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger jumped into the fray this afternoon by coming to Obama’s defense. ”Every one of us sometimes makes a mistake,” Schwarzenegger said. “Sometimes something comes out of your mouth and you say ‘Oops, I wish I wouldn’t have said that.’ I’ve had many of those.”  “Like that time I asked the female reporter to do the rest of the interview topless. Who hasn’t done that? Good god people, we’re human!!!”