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Kermit The Frog Struck Down With SWINE FLU!

Posted by on May 4th, 2009 and filed under Breaking news. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

 

Kermit in happier times

Kermit in happier times

Today it was reported with great sadness that Kermit the frog is in critical condition at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center with the Swine flu. How he contracted the disease remains a mystery. Our own Peter Boo headed to the hospital today to get the inside story.

BOO: First of all, let me say our thoughts and prayers are with you, Kevin.

KERMIT: Uh, thanks, but it’s Kermit.
BOO: Sure, sure. Sorry my bad, Kenneth. So, the swine flu, is it as bad as it sounds?
KERMIT: It’s worse. I haven’t had a good night’s sleep since Thursday and I’ve had cold sweats, heart palpitations, dry mouth, sore back and–
BOO: We got it Kenny, you’re sick, starting to sound repetitive. Let’s move on: I hate to ask you this but the public is demanding answers. Did your girlfriend have anything to do with this?
KERMIT: I don’t want to accuse Miss Piggy of anything but let’s face it, you sleep with a pig every night for twenty years, there are going to be consequences.
BOO: So, you’re not a Muslim then I take it… good, that was my next question.
KERMIT: What?
BOO: Nothing. Feeling green ain’t what’s it cracked up to be.
KERMIT: Er… No.
BOO: How’s it feel when people call you r gilfriend a pig?
KERMIT: Well, she is.
BOO: Ahh, so you admit it?
KERMIT: Pass me my water.
BOO: In a sec. How do you think you contracted the disease?
KERMIT: Well, Piggy and I were in bed, doing a move we call “Over the Rainbow”… When we were done, I lay there for twenty-minutes exhausted and within minutes I started feeling like I was about to be sick.
BOO: “As snug as a pig-in-a-poke no more, huh? I hear you.
KERMIT: Er…
BOO: Have you heard from Piggy since this late-night dalliance?
KERMIT: No, the bitch. She’s afraid she might get infected. She just sent me that card over there. (points to the corner)
BOO: Oh, let me have a look at that. (Gets up, trips) Good god! Who put all these tubes here? How’s a man supposed to move around this room?
KERMIT: (gasping) Help….
BOO: (reading the card) Hold your horses, I’m going to read it to you, you little impatient green bastard.
KERMIT: Can’t… breathe…
BOO: I know you can’t read, that’s why I’m reading it. (reading the card) Oh Kermie, I’ll always remember the good times. You’ll always hold a special place in my heart. (trips on an IV) Bloody hell, somebody should reconnect these tubes.
KERMIT: (gasping)
BOO: How does that note make you feel?
KERMIT: (eyes roll back in head, flatline tone fills the room)
BOO: Nurse, there’s something making a really loud annoying sound in here!!! Can someone get in here and turn it off? It’s driving me insane.
BOO: Kerry, any last words…?
KERMIT: (Silence)
BOO:  I guess, in the words of your girlfriend’s brother: “that’s badeer, eh-badeer, eh, that’s all folks!”
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