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Heather Mills V Paul McCartney

Posted by on Jun 27th, 2008 and filed under Breaking news. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

Heather Mills was “nothing but a ‘high-priced hooker’ and if value for money was on trial today, Miss Mills would get 20 years behind bars” according to the judge presiding over the divorce hearing between herself and Paul McCartney . The stunning tirade was made public yesterday after a closed court hearing in which Judge Bennet handed down his findings.

The judge went on to say that “Miss Mill’s was a wooden-legged pirate and a saggy-titted whore.” “If the bitch was trying to fleece me like she did Mr McCartney I would have had fed her through a garden mulcher” stated justice Hugh Bennet.

Making reference to recent blockbusters like Pirates of The Caribbean and Lord Of The Rings, he slung insult after insult at the former model repeatedly referring to her as “Blackbeard” and “Legolas”.

While the hearings have been taking place in closed-door sessions and neither side has—or likely will—commented on the details of the proceedings, their extension indicates the two sides have so far failed to come to terms on a financial settlement in the split.

But in a sign that the end is nigh, Court 34 at the Royal Courts of Justice where the proceedings are taking place, is booked only through Monday. The Judge went on to say “this money-grabbing slut better table a reasonable offer fast or she’ll get squat.” “Quite frankly, in my opinion, she doesn’t have a leg to stand on” he laughed.

Mills’ decision to represent herself in the case has also apparently contributed to the longer time frame and again received the ire from the Judge . “Miss Mills representing herself is likened to a low-rent porn-star performing brain surgery on themselves” laughed the judge.

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1 Response for “Heather Mills V Paul McCartney”

  1. Willy Wanker says:

    Quite frankly, in my opinion, she doesn’t have a leg to stand on

    That’s rich.

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