What me acting "daffy"?

A WOMAN who claims Donald Duck groped her at Disney’s Epcot theme park in Florida will have her day in court.  Donald to defend himself.

A federal judge in Philadelphia says Disney must defend April Magolon’s post-traumatic stress lawsuit, Disney have asked Donald to hit the court, and take the matter on like a… “duck to water.”

The 27-year-old Pennsylvania woman claims she was holding her child at the Walt Disney World park when Donald Duck grabbed her breast and then joked about it.  ”I said, it’s a little nippy around here!” Donald quacked to reporters. “Get it?”

Magolon says the May 2008 encounter left her with nightmares, digestive problems, a fear of flying, and other permanent injuries. “Whilst Donald countered, I couldn’t give a pluck what the ol’ bag says, she’s lucky I stopped at her boobs!”

Donald says Magolon sued the wrong Duck, it was “Daffy”, and asked the judge to dismiss the suit or move it to Warner Bros.

But the judge refused, saying “Daffy Duck” was nowhere near Florida at the time, and that the case will proceed with Donald as it stands. A defiant Donald told the assembled reporters: “Looks like I’m shit outta a duck!… I really didn’t think I was being that ‘fowl‘… get it?” [sic]

Very few did.

(Developing)

Big Fat Doofus Sidekick? Or much, much more?

Our own Peter Boo sat down with Zach Galifianakis, for an exclusive one on one interview in an attempt to get to the bottom of the alleged interference he played  over the controversial casting of Mel Gibson in the sequel to the hit film The Hangover and the subsequent firing at the hands of disgruntled cast and crew led by Galifianakis.

BOO: So, how goes it Zach Galif….Galifer-Galifer-fatass?

Zach: Galifianakis.

BOO: Sure, sure,  sorry.

Zach: That’s ok.

Boo: So, Mr. Galifuckass

Zach: Please, just call me Zach.

Boo: Got it. Weird last name, huh, Zach?  Not really movie star…er quality.

Zach: Haven’t really thought about it, to be honest.

Boo: Right?  Just go with the flow, right. Whatever beach you wash up on, right dude.  Crafty career plan you’ve got going on there, Zach.

Zach: I’m doing all right… just doing what I do and people are responding.

Boo: Right. So, on that: how many roles playing the “big fat doofus sidekick” do you think you’ll be able to squeak by on before you’re called out as a “one-trick pony.”

Zach: I don’t think I play the same role in all my films, so, I chose not to answer that question.

Boo: You do realize that your partaking in an interview? And that answering questions is required under this format?

Zach: I’ll answer any serious question, when I get one.

Boo: Becasue you’re a serious person, and want to be taken seriously as an actor?

Zach: Sure…and my work so far, speaks for itself.

Boo: Hmm, really. Well, let’s go through the list shall we: “Reno 911,”  Big fat doofus sidekick,”What Happens in Vegas” Big fat doofus sidekick, “The Hangover” a role in which you returned to the familiar Vegas setting to play, you guessed it, Big fat doofus sidekick, “Diner With Schmucks,” Big fat Doofus sidekick, ”Due Date,”  Big fat doofus sidekick… You want me to go on, big fat doofus sidekick?

Zach: I’m not going to sit here and cop this abuse.

Boo: You don’t seem to have an problems copping it on film.  Why so sensitive now?

Zach: Because this is real life.

Boo: Oh, I see, and in “real life” you believe you cast a different persona than a “Big fat doofus sidekick” What did you do on Bill Maher’s show 2 weeks ago?

Zach: You mean lighting up the joint?

Boo: Yes, not really the actions of someone who wants to be take seriously now is it?  Would you see Tom Hanks do that?  No. Would you see your costar, Robert Downey Jr. do that?  No.  Would you even see Charlie Sheen do that?  No!

Zach: It wasnt even real.

Boo: So, not only were you lying to the audience, you didn’t even have the balls to light up a real joint and stay true to your convictions. Some say it was a pretty pathetic tactic, attention seeking, and something you’d expect from a one trick pony and yes, a big fat doofus sidekick.

Zach: And who exactly said that?

Boo: Okay, it was me.  I expect more, even from a big fat doofus sidekick.

Zach: (Screaming) Shuttup!  Stop calling me that!!!

Boo: Let’s move on to the Mel Gibson controversy.

Zach: I have nothing to say on that topic.

Boo:  Well, you had plenty to say during the period of his firing. Let’s compare track records: The Mad Max series, Gallipoli, The Bounty, Lethal Weapon, Hamlet, Brave Heart, The Passion of the Christ, Apocolypto and countless others as an accomplished  actor, producer and Academy Award winning Director. Your biggest career highlight to date? Making a baby jerk-off in the film The Hangover?

Zach: Gibson’s a drunk!

Boo: Oh, is that what you opposed to? Ok to be stoned, not ok to be a drunk? And your last co-star in Due Date was a convicted heroin addict, correct?

Zach: Gibson’s also an anti Semite.

Boo: Because he said that the “Jews are responsible for all the world’s wars?”

Zach: Right.

Boo: Have you ever said something you regret, when you’re drunk, Zach?

Zach: Sure.

Boo: Have yo ever heard the bible passage “Let he who is free from sin cast the first stone”

Zach: Yes, but, I don’t think he’s a good person.

Boo: Is that the real reason behind your feet-stamping tantrum that made sure the cast and crew voted Gibson off the Hangoever sequel? Because in your estimation he’s a “bad person?”

Zach: It just wasn’t me, but, yes, he is a bad person.

Boo: Fundamentally bad?

Zach: I would say so.

Boo: Let’s look at his Philanthropic efforts. Gibson and his former wife have contributed a substantial amount of money to various charities, one of which is Healing the Children. According to Cris Embleton, one of the founders, the Gibsons gave millions to provide lifesaving medical treatment to needy children worldwide.They also supported the restoration of Renaissance artwork and gave millions of dollars to NIDA. Gibson donated $500,000 to the El Mirador Basin Project to protect the last tract of virgin rain forest in Central America and to fund archeological excavations in the “cradle of Mayan civilization.”In July 2007, Gibson again visited Central America to make arrangements for donations to the indigenous population. Gibson met with Costa Rican President Óscar Arias to discuss how to “channel the funds.” During the same month, Gibson pledged to give financial assistance to a Malaysian company named Green Rubber Global for a tire recycling factory located in Gallup, New Mexico. While on a business trip to Singapore in September 2007, Gibson donated to a local charity for children with chronic and terminal illnesses. What do you think? Actions of a “fundamentally” bad person?

Zach: Well, I, er…

Boo: How much money have you given to charity?

Zach: I haven’t really, I’d have to talk to my accountant.

Boo: We did. He said “none.”

Zach: Yes, but…

Boo:  Do you believe in second chances?

Zach: Depends.

Boo: Would you work with someone who seemed to be completely unrepentant?

Zach: No. If someone continues to display the same behavior year after year, then they cannot be trusted and deserve to be ostracized.  They are a danger to themselves and others… So, there you have it. So… that’s it.

Boo: “A danger to themselves and others”.  Okay, on that point, let me read you something about your recent co-star obert Downey Jr.: From 1996 through 2003, Robert Downey Jr. was arrested numerous times on drug-related charges and went several times through drug treatment programs unsuccessfully, explaining in 1999 to a judge: “It’s like I have a loaded gun in my mouth and my finger’s on the trigger, and I like the taste of the gunmetal.” He also explained his relapses by claiming to be addicted to drugs since the age of eight; his father was giving them to him as he was also an addict. In April 1996, Downey was arrested for possession of heroin, cocaine and an unloaded .357-caliber Magnum handgun, while he was speeding downSunset Boulevard. A month later, when on parole, he trespassed into a neighbor’s home while under the influence of a controlled substance, falling asleep in one of the beds. He was sentenced to three years of probation and required to undergo mandatory drug testing. In 1997 he missed one of the court-ordered drug tests and had to spend four months in the Los Angeles County jail. When Downey missed another required drug test in 1999, he was arrested once more. Despite Downey’s lawyer, John Stewart Holden, assembling for his client’s 1999 defense the same team of lawyers that successfully defended O. J. Simpson during his criminal trial for murder, Downey was sentenced to a three-year prison term at the California Substance Abuse Treatment Facility and State Prison in Corcoran, California (a.k.a. “Corcoran II”). At the time of the 1999 arrest, all of Downey’s film projects had wrapped and were close to release, with the exception of In Dreams, which he was allowed to complete filming. He had also been hired for voicing “The Devil” on the NBC animated television series God, the Devil and Bob, but was fired when he failed to show up for rehearsals. After spending nearly a year in California Substance Abuse Treatment Facility and State Prison in Corcoran, California, Downey, on condition of posting $5,000 bail, was unexpectedly freed when a judge ruled that his collective time in incarceration facilities (spawned from the initial 1996 arrests) had qualified him for early release. A week after his 2000 release, Downey joined the cast of the hit television series Ally McBeal, playing the new love interest of Calista Flockhart’s title character. His performance was praised and the following year he was nominated for an Emmy Award in the Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series category and won a Golden Globe for Best Supporting Actor in a mini-series or TV Film. He also appeared as a writer and singer on Vonda Shepard’s Ally McBeal: For Once in My Life album, and he sang with Sting a duet of “Every Breath You Take” in an episode of the series. Despite the apparent success, Downey claims that his performance on the series was overrated and that “It was my lowest point in terms of addictions. At that stage, I didn’t give a fuck whether I ever acted again.” In January 2001, Downey was scheduled to play the role of Hamlet in a Los Angeles stage production directed by Mel Gibson. Before the end of his first season on Ally McBeal, Downey was arrested during Thanksgiving 2000, when his room at Merv Griffin’s Hotel and Givenchy Spa in Palm Springs, California was searched by the police who were responding to an anonymous 911 call. Downey was under the influence of a controlled substance and in possession of cocaine and valium.Despite the fact that if convicted he could face a prison sentence of up to four years and eight months, he signed on to appear in at least eight more Ally McBeal episodes. In April 2001, while he was on parole, a Los Angeles police officer found him wandering barefoot in Culver City, near southwest Los Angeles. He was arrested for suspicion of being under the influence of drugs but was released a few hours later, even though tests showed he had cocaine in his system. After this last arrest, producerDavid E. Kelley and other Ally McBeal executives ordered last-minute re-writes and re-shoots and dismissed Downey from the show, despite the fact that Downey’s character had resuscitated Ally McBeal’s ratings. The Culver City arrest also cost him a role in the high-profile film America’s Sweethearts, and the subsequent incarceration forced Mel Gibson to shut down his planned stage production of Hamlet as well. In July 2001, Downey pleaded no contest to the Palm Springs charges, avoiding jail time; instead, he was sent into drug rehabilitation and put on a three-year probation, benefiting from the California Proposition 36, which had been passed the year before with the aim of helping non-violent drug offenders overcome their addictions instead of sending them to jail. Sound “unrependent?”  Sound like “a danger to themesleves and others?” Sounds like “someone continuing to display the same behavior year after year.” Sounds like someone “that cannot be trusted.”  By your rationale, didn’t Robert Downey Jr. deserve to be “ostracized?” Why the double standard?

Zach: That’s different.

Boo: Like Mike Tyson-different? A convicted rapist.

Zach: Gibson threteaned his wife.

Boo: You mean that two-bit Russian hooker, who has been art of one of the biggest cons this town has ever seen? Who set Gibson up from day one to steal his money? Who was incredibly duplicitous, deceitful from day one?

Zach: Evidenced by?

Boo: Evidenced by the fact she taped private out of context conversations and leaked them to the press? That’s why you wouldn’t work with a man who has four decades in this business? Because of a private conversation?  Let me read on: “Downey was able to return to the big screen only after Mel Gibson, who had been a close friend to Downey since both had co-starred in Air America, paid Downey’s insurance bond for the 2003 film The Singing Detective. Gibson’s gamble paved the way for Downey’s comeback, and Downey returned to mainstream films in the mid 2000s with Gothika, for which producer Joel Silver.” A second chance. Given to someone who everyone else had given up on, who everyone else had ostracized, except Mel Gibson. What you say?

Zach: That was nice of him, I guess. When you put it like that.

Boo: Yes, it was. But, when Robert Downey Jr. tried to return the favor some tool screwed it up. Didn’t they?

Zach: This interview is over.

Boo: Not sure one ever started.

Zach: Sorry?

Boo: No use being sorry now, next time let the grown ups talk.

Zach: Goodbye.

Boo: Later, big fat doofus sidekick.

Leo's face slashed: "Where's your goat?"

Law enforcement sources tell us Leo is being “extremely cooperative” with prosecutors on the Aretha Wilson case. 40-year-old Wilson appeared, briefly, in court on Wednesday and is being held on$150,000 bail. An unidentified goat was tied up outside the court room.

According to our sources, Leo has told authorities that he will take the stand and testify against Wilson and her goat, if necessary.  ”I asked her to perform a sex-act, and she reacted like this.” Wilson allegedly slashed DiCaprio’s face with a glass during a 2005 party in the Hollywood Hills after turning down his request to perform a sex-act. “No one knew why she was there” a source said.  So, Leo presumed she was “the entertainment for the night”  ”Is that why you brought a goat?” He asked her.  ”She just snapped…for no reason and screamed: ‘I don’t have sex with goats’.”  The source added: “Have you seen her? She definitely has sex with goats”.

Wilson was extradited from Canada last week, along with unnamed goat and charged with assault with a deadly weapon.

Sex act denied

Will Goat Testify?

]]> http://www.thomaspeep.com/leo-dicaprio-ready-to-face-his-face-slasher/feed/ 0 http://www.thomaspeep.com/jerry-brown-with-his-buddy-jim-jones/ http://www.thomaspeep.com/jerry-brown-with-his-buddy-jim-jones/#comments Wed, 31 Mar 2010 16:11:47 +0000 thomaspeep http://www.thomaspeep.com/?p=1425 When Jerry Brown was questioned by reporters about his sordid past and asked if he’d ever “drank the koolaid”, and unrepentant Brown fired back: “It was ‘flavor-aid’, ‘FLAVOR-AID!’ And that’’s been blown out of all proportions. Jonestown was like summer camp - we swam, we ran around the compound’s perimeter, we made things… we played games like, um, “White Night” or “State of Emergency” and within this context we rehearsed mass suicide. It was like a big play…the kids loved it! Then, when we were finished, we’d have lashing of flavor-aid — we were real hot — so it was good to cool down. Some people lay down after that, becasue they were real tired. Some didn’t get up ever again, they were the really, really tired ones.”

Brown chuckled, as if a distant memory registered “Jim could be a real task-master when he wanted to be. Hard but fair. That’s how I’d sum the guy up… hard… but fair! I… I loved him.” Brown stated.

Jerry Brown’s wonderful past.

"We're the two best friends that anyone could ever have..."

Victory

A victory for women’s rights? Or was Cameron robbed.

The right to be vain?

David Geffen finally responded to Carly Simon’s decades old grudge and couldn’t help to point out out what he calls the “sick and twisted irony.”  He held a press conference yesterday at the blue Iguana bar.

“Dear, Poor confused bitter, Carly: your song that first attacked  me in 1976 went to great lengths to point out the following: ‘You’re so vain, you probably think this song is about you…’, the fact is, the song was indeed about me!  Therefore, by your own perverse rationale, (Now that you’ve crawled out from under the rock of silence on this) don’t I deserve the right to be as vain as I want?  Since, in your eyes, my vanity is such that I would think even and indiscriminate song must, or could be about me..? Well my dear, it has taken you decades to surface from under your sick veil of secrecy to finally admit the truth, that my vanity is indeed, was, and always will be, incredibly well placed. I guess I have to think about it from a sociopath’s perspective (which I firmly believe Carly, you to be).  Accuse someone for being the very thing that you indeed are yourself, and never admit the truth. Her song, much like a stalker (who calls  a woman in the dead of night and gets their rocks off with the heavy-breathing, and  the veil of anonymity that their cowardly cover provides) has enacted her own sick revenge prank on me.

And why was I “so vain”? Well, in your eyes I’m ’so vain’, Carly, because I pushed another singer in my stable ahead of your own self-consuming career, so vain that I wrote a song to meter out my revenge, so sick that it gave me a perverse pleasure for all these years having people guess, all the while wrapped up in my own genius, and so gutless, that it took me the better part of 30 years  to tell the truth about who the cowardly attack was referring to and the true motive behind the self-centered attack.

I'm so confused

Maybe you should have sung: “I’m so sad, I probably think that being ironic’s clever, I’m so sad…”  Sure, it’s no where near as catchy, my four decades in the music biz tells me that, but, it’s sure-as-shit allot closer to the truth.”

Charlie and his latest crack-whore?

New York, February 17 – Charlie Sheen’s wife (and closet crack-whore)  Brooke Mueller has checked herself into a rehabilitation centre in Malibu.

The 32-year-old mum of 11-month-old twins was seen “boozing heavily” with Sheen hours before going to The Canyon rehab facility. “I had twenty for the road” stated Brooke.

“It was just more of the same with Brooke. Her mother had been begging her to go into rehab, since she was eighteen years old. She’s been a crazy, drug-taking whore as long as I can remember.”

Her stepfather, John Fiore, confirmed she “is recognizing that she needs help and she can’t do it on her own. I think the penny dropped for her when she tried to seduce me for the money for a hit.”

Martin Sheen wasn’t as reserved: “Charlie has been hooking up with fast women since he was 16. Brooke is yet another in a long line of hookers that Charlie has decided to shack up with. He has a magnet for these fucked-up women. And they seem to land on him like flies on shit. He never learns. Let’s go thru the list;

Charlie and his girlfriend Paula Profit had a daughter, Cassandra Jade Estevez (born December 12, 1984). In 1990, Charlie accidentally shot his then-fiancee, Kelly Preston, in the arm; a minor wound needing two stitches. The relationship ended shortly thereafter. In 1995, Charlie married Donna Peele. The marriage lasted a little more than a year, from September 3, 1995 to November 19, 1996. Charlie had a long-term relationship with former pornographic actress Ginger Lynn in the late 1990s. He was also involved for a time with former pornographic actress Heather Hunter.  1998, Sheen tried injecting cocaine, accidentally giving himself an overdose. He was hospitalized, but discharged from the hospital soon afterward. I issued a public appeal for fans to pray for him and reported him for violation of parole. A warrant was issued for his arrest, and Charlie was sent to rehab.

2002, Charlie married actress Denise Richards after meeting her while filming Good Advice in 2001. They have two daughters, Sam J. Sheen (born March 9, 2004) and Lola Rose Sheen (born June 1, 2005).  In March 2005, while she was still pregnant with their daughter Lola, Richards filed for divorce from Charlie, accusing my son of abusing drugs and alcohol and threatening Richards with violence. Charlie and Richards’ divorce was official on November 30, 2006. Charlie and Richards were engaged in an acrimonious custody dispute over their two daughters, but have since made peace with each other, with Charlie stating in April 2009 that “we had to do what’s best for the girls”.

2008, Charlie married Brooke Mueller (also known as Brooke Allen), a real estate investor. This was Charlie’s third marriage. Charlie was arrested on charges of domestic violence, including second-degree assault and menacing, against Mueller on December 25, 2009. He was released from jail after posting an $8,500 bond. In a court appearance on February 8, 2010, Charlie was formally charged with felony menacing, and third-degree assault and criminal mischief, both misdemeanors.

The couple’s twins, Bob and Max, were born on March 14th. Last night I had to tell the kids, mommy and daddy were drug-fucked losers. I don’t know about you, but I’m exhausted.”  Stated Martin Sheen.

"Yo, bitches... meez be sorry..."

Tiger Woods will appear in public on Friday to issue a statement. There will be no question and answer session, according to Darren Rovell of CNBC.

Tiger Woods will be speaking to a small group of friends [pornstar], colleagues [strippers],  and close associates [hookers and Pimps].

An alert at PGATour.com indicates that the news conference will be held at the headquarters of the PGA Tour. Woods’ agent, Mark Steinberg, issued the following statement:

“I have been speaking with sponsors who say they have been alerted by his reps that a public apology from Tiger Woods is imminent. It could occur as early as tomorrow sometime around 11am, and there’s going to be an announcement of the public apology that will be done at a press conference some time tonight. Like I said, we don’t have this yet from Tiger’s representatives. I logged in lots of calls over the last two hours, but I’m getting this from reliable sources among his–the sort of sponsors of his charities of some of the companies he represents who are saying they’re being alerted that something is coming down the pike, and it’s coming down the pike really soon. He claims he will say he is sorry, but still has no regrets.” When one reporter asked why? Steinberg fired back:  ”Becasue he banged over one hundered babes in the month of September alone last year… why would he be sorry about that! I wouldn’t be.”

Developing…

"I'm not too fat....am I?!'

Kevin Smith was delayed getting from Oakland to Burbank Saturday night because he was “too wide for the sky.” According to the ‘Clerks’ and ‘Jay & Silent Bob’ director’s Twitter, Southwest Airlines removed him from a flight after deeming him a safety risk.

“Dear @SouthwestAir – I know I’m fat, digusting to some, but was Captain Leysath really justified in throwing me off a flight for which I was already seated?” Smithtweeted.

Captain Leysath later replied: “Yes, to all, there’s only so much ballast we can shift around on a 727. We sat him on the right, we sat him on the left, we sat him down the back, even in the cockpit, nothing worked — it was like being a teeter-totter with Rosan Bar.”

“I’m way fat… But I’m not THERE just yet,” he continued. “But if I am, why wait til my bag is up, and I’m seated WITH ARM RESTS DOWN. In front of a packed plane with a bunch of folks who’d already I.d.ed me as ‘Silent Bob.’”

Smith was given a $100 voucher to Burger King, he ate and boarded a new flight from which he continued to chronicle his mistreatment:

“Hey @SouthwestAir! Look how fat I am on your plane! Quick! Throw me off!” he tweeted along with the picture below… unfortunately for Smith, Captain Leysath was gain at the stick, he immediately made an emergency landing and tossed ‘Fatty-McFatteson’ he stated.

One re tweet, summed up things: “but you are, look at you…you’re hideous!!!”

"I'm so confused..."

Jerry’s  SCHOOL LESSON

JB: “Hmm – isn’t Carbon Dioxide, or Co3 what trees breathe, Mr. Peep?

THOMAS: Why, yes it is, Jerry. But remember, it’s CO - TWO!