Vladimir Putin “Healthcare reform: Everyone over 40 years of age, to be shot!”

Barack OBAMA “People are angry, they are frustrated. Maybe we should just let them all die?”

Archive for the Category ‘Breaking news’

Rush Limbaugh Writes for The Onion

Rush Limbaugh Writes for The Onion

“Rush has a lot of enemies out there, and many of these people he is too…uh, chicken, I guess, to confront on his show.”

SEAN HANNITY CUMS TUMBLING OUT OF THE CLOSET

SEAN HANNITY CUMS TUMBLING OUT OF THE CLOSET

Hannity: “I’ll be wearing nothing but riding chaps for the next 10 days, I think I’ll be mighty glad by the end of it”

PRESIDENT ELECT BARACK OBAMA TO LEGALIZE “WEED”

PRESIDENT ELECT BARACK OBAMA TO LEGALIZE “WEED”

President Obama is on the verge of offering Heroin to individuals in New York.

BUSH DECLARES: “2009 WILL BE HIS GREATEST YEAR IN OFFICE.”

BUSH DECLARES: “2009 WILL BE HIS GREATEST YEAR IN OFFICE.”

When told that he only has 18 days left in office, President Bush look confused and turned to his advisers, many of whom beat a hasty exit.

S.A.C.M. BANK WINS 23 BILLION BAILOUT FROM FED

S.A.C.M. BANK WINS 23 BILLION BAILOUT FROM FED

” S.A.C.M. cannot afford to go under” Del Gressio told a assembled throng of tanned reporters.

TV HOST ZOLTAR ZAYS: FIGHTING FOR HIS LIFE!

TV HOST ZOLTAR ZAYS: FIGHTING FOR HIS LIFE!

At a rushed press conference this afternoon a tearful Chuck Speed, President of the KKL Network told reporters that TV reality star Zoltar Zays, is said to be recovering in hospital today from “severe injuries” after being attacked by the El Pollo Loco Crew yesterday at the Sunburst Hotel near New York’s JFK’s airport.  Zoltar, and his […]

Pratt or Prat?

Pratt or Prat?

Spencer (“I’m a Prat”) Pratt went on Letterman two weeks ago to proudly exclaim that he will not attend a nightclub anymore unless they pay him an appearance fee of $100,000.  Inquiries made soon after revealed that the truth to this statement lies somewhere in the middle, with certain Vegas hot-spots stating they would pay him well over […]

The Lowe-down on Nanny-Gate

The Lowe-down on Nanny-Gate

Rob Lowe‘s nanny battle has just taken a new direction – the actor’s wife has filed a declaration suggesting Jessica Gibson was a “was nothing but a filthy little whore.” Gibson filed a lawsuit in California in April alleging Lowe placed his hand inside her “pants in order to touch her crotch” and “grabbed Gibson’s […]

Heather Mills V Paul McCartney

Heather Mills V Paul McCartney

Heather Mills was “nothing but a ‘high-priced hooker’ and if value for money was on trial today, Miss Mills would get 20 years behind bars” according to the judge presiding over the divorce hearing between herself and Paul McCartney . The stunning tirade was made public yesterday after a closed court hearing in which Judge Bennet handed down his findings. […]

Grease Defends Kobe’s Dig at Anna Nicole’s Corpse.

Grease Defends Kobe’s Dig at Anna Nicole’s Corpse.

 by Doug Ellin Lakers star Kobe Bryant, fresh from his game-5 victory against the Spurs, defended allegations at a press conference this morning that he had “non-consensual sex’ with Anna Nicole Smith’s corpse 12 months ago. Security footage surfaced on YouTube last week taken at the Hollywood Forever Funeral Home implicating the Laker’s point guard. http://www.hollywoodforever.com/Hollywood   “Anna was definitely […]