Vladimir Putin “Healthcare reform: Everyone over 40 years of age, to be shot!”
Barack OBAMA “People are angry, they are frustrated. Maybe we should just let them all die?”
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After the United States’ stunning loss to Japan in the World Baseball Classic a week ago, Bud Selig vowed not to leave his office until he had a new plan to revitalize American baseball. Today he emerged with new vice commissioner Jose Canseco to announce a shocking strategy to save the sport.
Don Imus this morning chimed in the growing controversy asking: “Why would they want us to trust an actor from Seinfeld, whose last claim to fame was his 2006 racist tirade at The Laugh Factory? Why CNBC paid millions to a stand up comedian to dispense financial advice is beyond me!”
BEIJING — China called for the creation of a new currency to eventually replace the US dollar as the world’s standard, proposing a sweeping overhaul of global finance that reflects developing nations’ growing unhappiness with the U.S. role in the world economy.
AIG “Greases” AIG renaming process
Forced to create a new corporate identity, AIG called in international corporate branding specialist and former lawyer, Richard Grease Esq. They expected great things and that’s exactly what Grease delivered… according to Grease.
The marathon 12 hour meeting reportedly started with high hopes that highly-touted branding specialist would deliver the goods. “Look, you guys like acronyms, what did AIG stand for anyway? America is great? Well we all knows Joe Public ain’t on board with that one anymore. It worked for a while, it worked so well, that you convinced people to buy worthless crap at inflated prices from you.” Grease then went into a four hour powerpoint presentation presenting alternatives. “How about IHOF? The International House of Finance. This is what I call favorable corporate rebranding. You can even serve pancakes. Get a toxic mortgage and a rooty tooty fresh and fruity.” This suggestion was apparently met with blank stares.
“Okay, you don’t like that one? How about RIP?… NO? How about LOL?… No, how about we combine them? Get it? You used to be RIP, now thanks to the bailout, we’re LOL…” At this point in the presentation, executives started to leave.
“Wait wait, DOA? Get it?” More blank stares. “I’ve got it, IOU, or better yet IOE, because you owe everyone, Get it? How about CIA? FBI? PETA? You can get some naked chick in your ad campaigns, “Next tome the tide goes out, you won’t have your bathers either!!!” Put Khole Kardashian’s photo there… Booom!”
When the AIG executives tried to get Grease to leave before lunch was served he refused, stating AIUI it’s lunch so BTW, I’d like a BLT, PDQ. Security was called and Grease was hauled out and turned over to another famous acronym, the NYPD.
The remaining executives decided on AIG Holdings as the new corporate identity. All in all, the fiasco cost the company (and ultimately taxpayers) close to $150,000 dollars, which was delivered to Grease COD.
Missingmoney.com is a front for yet another Bernard Madoff scam.
“Money’s tight these days. But maybe you have a little more of the green stuff than you think you do.” So the tag line to this website says that purports to be a government based non-profit institution. The National Association of Unclaimed Property Administrators has a Web site calledMissingMoney.com where people can search for funds that may be owed to them. Or you can head directly to the Illinois CashDash database.
Obama replied. “Sure, bring Helen Keller in!!!! I’ll get the White House bowling alley shrink wrapped!!
“Todd Wagner has become the Ned Flanders of the entertainment industry.” states Mark Cuban
If you had any idea how close Mark had come to putting himself in the Maverick’s starting lineup, you’d have him locked up immediately. From a sporting perspective, Mark couldn’t jump over a pencil, trust me. From an acting sense he’s as wooden as a crash test dummie.
I truly hope ‘Jizz’ does for you, what it’s already clearly done for me” stated an exhausted, yet, very proud Miss Hilton.
Woman claims Donald Duck groped her, Duck claims “the bitch asked for it!”
Zach Galifianakis “I Screwed Over Gibson” The Interview Where He Finally Tells All.
Leo DiCaprio Ready to Face his Face-Slasher
Jerry Brown remembers his buddy Jim Jones!
Bigelow wins best director!
Geffen lashes back: “I’m so vain..? Wasn’t the F#*KING song about me biatch?!”
Charlie Sheen’s wife checks into rehab over ‘crack-whore allegation’.